My response to a blog post named "Stop being so nice and start being more real"

This is my response to a blog I just read called "Stop being so nice and start being more real" by Eric J Romero, link at the bottom of the page.  I had to blog it as LinkedIn only has a few hundred character long posts, hence why this was too long to post.

I certainly believe that you have to be 'real' in this world, and you certainly can be real and nice at the same time too.  At the same time the term 'real' is a hard one to define and could take up a whole other topic to try and explain ( my other blog post http://janinemarshall.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/what-is-real-does-scientific-way-of.html).  however, on the subject of happiness... I would highly recommend a documentary called 'Happy'  by Roko Belic.  

It takes a journey from the swamps of Louisiana to the slums of Kolkata in search of what really makes people happy.  A professor called Ed Diener has been trying to measure human happiness called 'Positive Psychology' just like one can try and measure depression or anxiety.  He determined that it can be measured by what's called our 'genetic set point'.  Our genes have 50% to do with it, only 10% of our happiness is contributed by our circumstances such as job/money ad 40% is from whats called 'Intentional Activity', stuff we can do daily, simple positive behaviour that creates what he called 'Flow' - an dopamine rush.  

It has been long known that 'poorer' people in this world are actually a lot happier in their lives.  They have a set value system with intrinsic goals - Personal growth, desire to help one another, relationships mean so much and also have a very secure community connection which was found to be key.  They recognised that there is always something far more greater to care about than the 'self'.  They show truly altruistic behaviour, behaviour that we all know that appears to have very few negative associations and that brings people together.  

A person who donates blood, volunteers, people who even risks their own lives to save another, all are very altruistic behaviours.  There are also things that we tend not to notice that are very common and that we simply take for granted, holding a door open for someone, picking up something someone has dropped, giving someone directions... these are all prosocial acts and nothing about them are fake.  

For a long time now it has been debated whether any prosocial act - no matter how generous and unselfish it may appear on the surface - is truly an indication of altruistic behaviour.  When people offer money to someone who is homeless is their actions motivated by a pure desire to help, or are they alleviating their own discomfort?  Humans ave a natural compassion for one another, yes there are some people out there you would class as 'evil' but this negative behaviour is caused by something - the stats above!  

Whether or not something is 'genuine' or 'real' is missing the point, even if other motives are operating, if a persons ultimate goal in helping someone is to benefit that other person, then the behaviour is altruistic, it is nice.   I definitely agree with you by saying you have to keep it as real as you can, be genuine, be who you were born to be, be open to change, to personal growth and realise we are all different.  This will make our relationships stronger, our workplaces better and our societies stronger too.  Share the love my peeps :) 

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