Intimacy

Intimacy - it's what some of us need, it's what some of us lack, what some of us want, what some of us don't..
While some people seem content to go through life with a few close friends, most of us seek a special relationship with one particular person.  I have kinda had this on my mind for a while now and made me decide to write a small blog on it, because, it is in intimate relationships that we open ourselves most deeply and have the chance to discover the most about ourselves.

Such relationships help overcome a certain loneliness that most of us would eventually feel - no matter how self-sufficient and strong we may be - without intimacy.   The sense of belonging that we gain from intimate relationships contributes substantially to our feelings of self-worth.  Saying that, I want to strongly emphasise here that self-worth cannot derive entirely from someone else, but a healthy, intimate relationship simply reinforces your own self-acceptance and belief in yourself.

What would constitute an intimate relationship for you? What would you consider to be a really important part of a healthy relationship?  Well, this all depends of the individual of course, and what you want from that particular relationship.  Maybe you are getting a sense that the reason why I am writing this is because I am myself maybe lacking in an area of intimacy and therefore decided to write a blog on the subject - because indeed, I am no professional psychologist when it comes to the inner workings of the human mind, however I know my own, and I know how I feel and I do not think I am alone when it comes to factors that we see are key to a healthy relationship.  Am I lacking in this area - this is for me to know, this is not the point of this blog, however when I type out my thoughts, it generally helps me more clearly see the things in a different context to what is in my head.

To name but a few factor that I see to be important for a happy, healthy, fun and intimate relationship, and not in any rank order, are:

1. A sense of romance or "magic"between you and the other person.  This is an intangible quality of attraction that goes well beyond the physical level.  It has to be strong and has to be a continued path of new discovery.  The butterflies in the belly feeling, the cannot wait to see them feeling and when you do, its like you are learning something new each time.... this to me is very important.

2. Regular expressions of affection and touching.  Either non sexual but definitely sexual.  The ability to explore and discover, trying new things.... very very important.

3.  Being able to share feelings.  Genuine closeness and being willing to open up and share your deepest feelings.

4.  Common values and a larger sense of purpose.  Values that you see as an important part of life, such as career, family, health, education and to me, the need and want to make a change to make this world a better place, no matter how small it may be.

5. Good communication - the ability to listen to each other and meet at some common ground.

6. Mutual acceptance and support of each others growths and personal changes.  

7. Mutual acceptance of each others weaknesses or faults.  Gee we all have them, but it is being able to tolerate them that makes it work.

Is there any factors in this small list that you would choose? maybe you have totally different ideas on what makes a perfect relationship.  Whatever your list includes, I think that it is very important to have a good intimate relationship as it contributes substantially to our own feelings of self-worth, and if we feel worthy then we should feel happy and content - I think???? ;)